How Open-Minded Are You?

When was the last time you were humbled? For me, it was just a few days ago, and it was such a positive experience.

The Surprises Begin

I went to Orlando to speak at the Going Beyond Vision Loss Summit. I was really excited for a number of reasons. This was my first time speaking to a young audience (14-24 year olds with some degree of blindness), my first time speaking to a visually impaired audience as a member of the community, and my first time debuting a creative new talk that I was hopeful would land well.

I've done a lot of speaking over the years, and I'm used to these being positive experiences for me. Speaking is something I enjoy, and I think my passion generally comes through. Audience feedback has, fortunately, always been positive, which contributes to my enjoyment and confidence. I've also had really collegial, bordering on friendly, working relationships with event planners, so it's an all around good time in my book.

I expected very much the same thing this time around, but this event was different from the get go. 

I joined the two event planners for brunch the day before  and felt an immediate camaraderie that went well beyond professional niceties and common ground. As I asked about the inspiration for the event, I quickly began to realize just how special these two women were. From a business standpoint, they dreamed up something new and innovative and were able to execute it, ending up with more than double their goal in registrations. I was impressed. 

I thought I was coming to town to speak at a one-day event, but the Summit was the kick off for a multi-day, immersive experience for the attendees that involved staying in AirBnbs, touring a college, going to Disney World, and learning how to be independent with vision loss. 

I began to feel grateful for this opportunity, which came up simply because I reached out and suggested that I might be a good speaker for their event. I figured the worst thing that could happen was that they said no thanks.

I assumed it was a typical summit or conference - that they were looking for speakers - and I shared a speaking sample. They reconfigured the day to incorporate me, and I was rewarded for taking a chance. 

The unanticipated rewards didn't stop there. I instantly hit it off with one of the other speakers, a 30 year old man who is into gaming despite a significant vision impairment, and his mom who was there as his "momager" to help him navigate. I abandoned my plans to chill out and explore on my own to have dinner with them, and I am so glad I did. I felt a genuine sense of friendship and connection in such a short amount of time. I was surprised, and my cup felt full. 

Heading into the event, I felt like part of a team rather than someone who was dropping in to do my part, mic drop, and walk away. I felt myself shift from viewing this as a good professional opportunity to being so appreciative that this amazing, rich experience had presented itself to me.

The Summit

I remember what it was was like to be a teen. I was insecure and completely unwilling to publicly embrace my vision impairment. I tried to imagine what 14 year old Ashley needed to hear, and I crafted a talk for her.

I told these young people that their lives are epic adventures, and they are the heroes of their story. We focused on building courage and recognizing our unique strengths, all couched within a little brain science because I just wouldn't be me without that piece.

I expected to inspire them and push them out of their comfort zones. 

Maybe I did. By all accounts the talk was a success.

But I think they inspired me more than the other way around. 

These brave, open young people navigated new terrain, approached new people, and spoke in front of a packed ballroom...all with some degree of blindness. 

I know 14 year old Ashley would have been awed. 

42 year old Ashley certainly was. 

It didn't stop there. There was a 13 year old girl diagnosed with Usher Syndrome, a condition that causes both blindness and deafness, as well as dyslexia, a learning disability that severely impacts one's ability to learn to read, WHO STOOD UP AND READ A SPEECH about the importance of self-advocacy.

Now, public speaking is THE number one fear. The joke in the anxiety world is that people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. Yet here was this young one with barely more than a decade of life under her belt not only braving the number one fear, but also reading in front of a crowd despite dyslexia and despite vision loss just to show the world that she could and that her disabilities are not limitations. 

Wow.

The Flight Home

As I prepared to leave Orlando, feeling energized, connected, inspired, and humbled, I was also tired. I had gotten up a lot earlier than usual to catch my flight, and I was looking forward to sleeping the entire way home. I boarded in group C so excitedly snagged the unexpected remaining aisle seat next to a man my father's age wearing a starched cowboy shirt and cowboy hat...and he began talking before the plane was even finished boarding. 

"Oh my god. What have I done?" I thought. I'm a talker in general, but not on flights. This was a 2.5+ hour flight. Read that as: an eternity. "I don't want to talk," I internally groaned.

Sure, I could've politely said I was tired or pulled out my kindle app. Instead, riding high from the previous couple of days, I fully leaned in. I learned all about cattle farming and his grandkids. As his wife joined in the conversation, we chatted about how they met, a life-altering accident she was in, and our shared belief that talking to strangers is a good thing. We exchanged contact information, and the flight flew by. I deplaned before they did and found myself waiting at the gate to hug them goodbye. 

Weird, right? That was definitely a first for me.

Openness

The event and the flight served as a one-two punch to reinforce how important openness is.

Openness is a personality trait or attribute that has to do with how open-minded and willing to embrace new experiences you are. People with a high degree of openness tend to see value in all experience, regardless of whether you'd deem it "good" or "bad." Research has demonstrated many benefits of openness such as higher cultural intelligence and learning acquisition, better relationships, creativity, and psychological wellbeing. 

Whereas some personality traits like extraversion and introversion are equally beneficial - I don't believe that one is better than the other; they are different and both have merits - I think openness is more adaptive than being closed off. In a nutshell, being open exposes you to more possibilities for growth, change, and wellbeing. I think we would all benefit from a collective shift toward more openness. 

While many people may argue that personality is a relatively stable thing, I see it as highly malleable. Personally, I have found that a lifestyle practice of intentionally seeking out new experiences has resulted in increasing levels of openness, which makes sense to me. The more we practice something, the easier it gets, and the more natural it becomes.

The Unexpected Churros

As I think about openness, I think about churros. Hang in there. I'll connect those dots.

A month or two ago, I met up with my CBT Kansas City group, 4 amazing women who are also anxiety specialists. Once upon a time, we all worked at the same place before eventually venturing into private practice. We still get together routinely to consult on cases, talk business, offer support, and just celebrate our friendship. The last time we did was a lesson in openness.

Let me set the scene. We met at a sports bar and grill in Johnson County, an affluent suburb of Kansas City. The menu was strictly American food. Think burgers and sandwiches and fries. I had already eaten so was really only interested in dessert. 

Somehow the topic of churros and how much I love them came up, which led to one of us mentioning them to the server, who responded with "Let me see what I can do."

AND THEN SHE CAME BACK WITH A PLATE OF HOT, FRESH CHURROS!

This place did not have an "it's ok to order off menu" vibe, and there was nothing Mexican food on the menu.

And yet, I got delicious churros.

It wouldn't have happened without openness - for us to ask the server, for her to ask the kitchen. 

Talk about unexpected...and delightful!

The Lesson

So what's the moral of the story here? Step outside of your judgments and expectations. Open yourself to unforeseen possibilities and be present enough to catch glimpses of them. You never know when life is going to give you churros. 

"Always be open to inspiration. Your never know where it may come from. Begin with an open mind, end with an inspired heart.“

 - Sheri Fink

Written by Dr. Ashley Smith

Peak Mind Co-founder